People-Pleasing
Fear of abandonment. What people-pleasers should know
Since I wrote last month about fear of conflict and anger—the main drivers of my (fading!) people-pleasing—I’ve been mulling over the fear of abandonment, curious if it also fits into my puzzle. Here’s what I learned.
Continue ReadingFear and Anger and What Happens When They Intersect.
Anger has always been a tricky emotion for me. I feel it, and I know it’s normal and healthy, but I don’t always know what to do with it or how to express it in a constructive way. Centuries ago, Aristotle described me so well: “Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way–that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
Continue ReadingCan people-pleasing be inherited?
Neither my mother nor my father would ever say a bad word about anyone. If they had nothing nice to say, they said nothing at all. It was an admirable trait, and my parents were formidable role models.
Continue ReadingI’m becoming emboldened, and you can, too.
In the process of adding new content to my website, I came up with a phrase that grabbed me. As a writer, I loved the alliteration. As a recovering people-pleaser, I loved how it made me feel. I was smitten.
Continue ReadingOur Wake of Kindness
Sometimes, what looks like conflict-aversion is really a choice to be kind.
Continue ReadingAccountability matters–here's why.
Holding others accountable is hard for people-pleasers because it involves confrontation, which carries the risk of rejection. It’s less scary to pretend negative things don’t happen.
Continue ReadingVulnerability, humility, and ego.
A recent coffee flood and ego-boosting news from the New York Times tie together many threads.
Continue ReadingRacism is hidden within ourselves.
So what am I gonna do about racism? That’s the question we’re all asking ourselves, isn’t it?
Continue ReadingSelf-disclosure of my people-pleasing.
Sharing my truth means I can’t hide from it. Once it’s out, I’m confronted with its destructiveness and feel I have no choice but to change.
Continue ReadingPeople-pleasing knocks a hole in my accountability. Act 2.
My people-pleasing ensures that no one feels bad–No big deal! Don’t worry! I hate when that happens!–except me.
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