Racism is hidden within ourselves.

Dear friend,

Once again, I’m writing about a topic I didn’t plan to write about–racism. Once again, as a writer, I feel obligated to use my skills and my modest platform to say something of value. I’d rather leave the societal commentary to the bigwigs—those with sway, with clout, with fancier and more relevant degrees than me. Those who can make a difference.

But to not speak is to be complicit. And. I. Refuse.

So I’m sharing my thoughts about the murder of George Floyd, the black man in Minneapolis who was “kneeled to death” on camera. He was yet another man killed for the color of his skin.

I didn’t want to watch the horrendous video of the last eight minutes and forty-six seconds of his life, and yet I couldn’t not watch. I made myself pay attention to bear witness to his death. To look away was a privilege he and his family and his community could not exercise.

So what am I gonna do about racism? That’s the question we’re all asking ourselves, isn’t it?

I start by looking within. I consider myself a non-racist, but I acknowledge that in the past, I’ve not always confronted racist words or actions of others. That is racist on my part. I own that. For many of us, if we dig deep enough, I believe we’ll find racist leanings in our conscious and subconscious thoughts, and in our visceral reactions.

How do I fight the racist hidden within me?

First, by acknowledging it. And here I am.

Second, by changing.

Speaking up doesn’t come easily to me. Even the potential for conflict is anxiety-provoking. I’ve been actively working to escape the unhealthy people-pleasing box I built for myself. Now, when a voice in my head says, Karen, speak up, I do. I don’t give myself a choice.

George Floyd took his final breath under the knee of an oppressor. I will use my breath to speak up on his behalf and others who are oppressed. I will call out racism wherever and whenever it hides.

This declaration scares me. I’m not an in-your-face person. Then I think of the terror Mr. Floyd must have experienced, and I resolve to be mightier than my fear.

Third, by increasing my awareness.

Other than Toni Morrison and Maya Angelou, I can’t recall if I’ve read works by African-American authors. (Truth be told—I’m very bad at remembering authors and titles, so I may have read other black-authored works. I promise to pay more attention going forward.)

So I’ll buy books to enlighten me. Anti-racism books are selling out across the country, and I may have to wait for Ibram X. Kendi’s How to Be an Anti-Racist, Reni Eddo-Lodge’s Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race and Ijeoma Oluo’s So You Want to Talk About Race. You can see these and other recommendations here.

Anti-racism books are selling out across the country.

But, even before I became a memoirist, I knew I gained more insight into issues through personal accounts than from most other forms of writing. Offer me story vs. expository writing, and I’ll choose story every time. Here and here are great lists of memoirs by African Americans.

If you have other book recommendations, memoir or not, please let me know.

After I finish one of these books, I’ll pass it along to someone in my majority-white community, and ask that they pass it on when they’re done. Collectively, in my little part of the world, maybe we can become better allies to our neighbors of color. And maybe, if this type of thing happens all over the country, it will make a difference. And maybe, just maybe, George Floyd will be the last person to fall victim to his skin color.

My efforts feel so… disconnected, so abstract, when others are protesting and putting their safety and lives on the line to make their statement. But sometimes, when so many are screaming, one more loud voice is not heard. Sometimes a whisper gets the attention.

In the words of Mahatma Gandhi,

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

I will fight racism in my gentle, meaningful way, and continue to look for other ways to change our world for the better. We so need it, don’t you agree?

How about you? How are you fighting racism?



  1. Janis Clark on June 8, 2020 at 10:44 PM

    Nice job Karen. I probably have some books here lol. Griffin and I just watched 13th. I recommend that. Watching the documentary about the Freedom Riders several years back definitely spark a fire in me. Troy did an excellent job with their protest yesterday. Let’s see what we can do!!

    • Karen DeBonis on June 10, 2020 at 6:02 AM

      Thanks Janis! I buy my books at Market Block in Troy, and most of their titles by black authors, and books about racism were sold out, as they are across the country. That’s such a positive and meaningful sign. I did pick up a few books, including “How to be an antiracist” by Ibram X. Kendi. I’ll be digging in soon.

  2. Paula Ransbury on June 10, 2020 at 10:23 AM

    So well said Karen. From my white perspective I have to accept that I can not understand but you are right that we can take a stand when we see injustice before us. This is where I know I can do better. I will also check out your book suggestions. We need to learn more.

    The book that impacted me with real life stories of racial injustice was “Just Mercy”. Since reading that I have found that making donations to Bryan Stevenson’s organization, Equal Justice Initiative (eji.org) is one way to help. There are many other organizations that work on racial injustice issues as well and some are found in the link below which is a list of 75 things white people can do.

    My hope is that through the horror displayed on our screens that we can not unsee we are finally starting to really get it and that the collective work for drastically needed change will happen.


    • Karen DeBonis on June 10, 2020 at 7:58 PM

      Thanks Paula – I’ll add “Just Mercy” to my list, and I’ll check out that link!

  3. Subrata Mukherjee on August 3, 2020 at 10:49 PM

    Truest admission

  4. […] about it, but then the coronavirus took over our lives, and it took our lives, and then racism took George Floyd’s life, and those events seemed so much more important than writing about vulnerability, humility, […]

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