Fear of abandonment. What people-pleasers should know
Since I wrote last month about fear of conflict and anger—the main drivers of my (fading!) people-pleasing—I’ve been mulling over the fear of abandonment, curious if it also fits into my puzzle. Here’s what I learned.
Continue ReadingFear and Anger and What Happens When They Intersect.
Anger has always been a tricky emotion for me. I feel it, and I know it’s normal and healthy, but I don’t always know what to do with it or how to express it in a constructive way. Centuries ago, Aristotle described me so well: “Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way–that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
Continue ReadingCan people-pleasing be inherited?
Neither my mother nor my father would ever say a bad word about anyone. If they had nothing nice to say, they said nothing at all. It was an admirable trait, and my parents were formidable role models.
Continue ReadingI’m becoming emboldened, and you can, too.
In the process of adding new content to my website, I came up with a phrase that grabbed me. As a writer, I loved the alliteration. As a recovering people-pleaser, I loved how it made me feel. I was smitten.
Continue ReadingLet hope choose you.
I had this blog almost ready to send Wednesday morning. It started like this: “I choose hope in 2021, in spite of everything that could still go wrong—COVID, political turmoil, record snowstorms like we had here in upstate NY last week, failing to get a book deal.” Had I sent it, I would have felt foolish. That afternoon, watching the siege of the US Capital unfold, my hope was overpowered by fear and bewilderment. Yet hope still chooses me.
Continue ReadingLiving Life Small Leaves Room for Growth
Living life large seems to be what society values. Why didn’t it feel right for me?
Continue ReadingOur Wake of Kindness
Sometimes, what looks like conflict-aversion is really a choice to be kind.
Continue ReadingAccountability matters–here's why.
Holding others accountable is hard for people-pleasers because it involves confrontation, which carries the risk of rejection. It’s less scary to pretend negative things don’t happen.
Continue ReadingPandemic Brain
Pandemic Brain is like a pinball machine. When I realized that was what was going on, I already felt better. Funny how naming a problem can do that.
Continue ReadingVulnerability, humility, and ego.
A recent coffee flood and ego-boosting news from the New York Times tie together many threads.
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