Could You Be One?
A people-pleaser is someone who habitually prioritizes others’ needs, wishes, or happiness over their own.
That was me for decades.
Everyone overextends themselves from time to time, but a people-pleaser does it habitually, even when it results in negative consequences. Not all people-pleasers exhibit their need to please in the same way, to the same degree, or under the same circumstances. As in all aspects of life, each of us is unique.
You don’t have to be a people-pleaser forever.
I’ll be honest: healing the disease to please is a process. It’s taken me years, and I still have work to do. But it is possible and I can help you get started.
I put together a tipsheet of 50 Simple Ways to Stop People-Pleasing; ideas so simple even folks who are really stuck can achieve success! I've tried most of them, and I'd love to hear what works for you. Click the link above to download the pdf. Happy asserting!
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“When a dental hygienist wouldn't wear her mask properly, I didn’t want to say anything because I HATE conflict. Then I literally thought, "What would Karen DeBonis do?" So I politely asked the hygienist to fix her mask, which she did. I felt so proud of myself. Thank you.”
Danielle, a Facebook follower
“In a recent phone call, I called myself a 'recovering people pleaser'. I'm not sure if I would have such awareness if I was not connected to you. Thank you!”
Gail, a subscriber
“Karen’s insight inspired me to take a closer look at my own ‘people pleasing’ issues, causing me to identify what triggers me to slip into this behavior. I had never given much thought to the particular people and situations that act as triggers for me, but now I’m much more aware and better equipped to deal with them.”
Carol, a focus group participant
Do People-Pleasers Get Angry?
My people-pleasing ensures that no one feels bad–No big deal! Don’t worry! I hate when that happens!–except me.
Conflict avoidance: An Example.
For better or for worse, I’d rather have a hole the size of New Jersey in my wall than yell at the person who put it there.
What does it mean to be assertive? (Or not.)
When my surgeon seemed to chastise me for not understanding his instructions, I had a dilemma.